Gratitude List

Following inspiration provided by Jessica, here is my gratitude list for 30 days of November 2009 (in no particular order):

1. My husband, for our love and his kindness to me and our son. He works so hard and sacrifices so much for us. I'm more in love with him now than I was when we married.

2. For our son, for the precious gifts of his health and his happy nature.

3. For our gentle dog, Max, the best dog I could ever hope for.

4. For our extended family. We are so blessed to have them in our lives, with good, healthy relationships.

5. For our friends. We've been blessed with a great group of people who we have fun with and with whom we share support and prayers.

6. For the resources that God has given us when we needed it the most. We're healthy enough, financially OK, and we have enough time to get everything done and still have fun together. Sometimes I feel like the richest girl in the world.

7. For our house. It's just what we need for this time in our lives.

8. For my car. Again, it's just perfect for this time in our lives.

9. For the peace I get from writing and reading, and the time I have for that recreation.

10. For fall weather here in Texas. Being able to sun on the patio without getting toasted is such a treat.

11. For our parish, that is just awesome, especially our pastor who is a great leader and homilist.

12. For my son's teachers, doctors and nurses, and all those who serve us in the course of everyday life. I tend to take those people for granted, but I am grateful.

13. For the people that leave kind comments on my blog. I love the encouragement and feel less isolated than I would without this community.

14. For cheese Pringles, Annie's ravioli, HEB chocolate granola cereal, and the Hershey company. I could go on, but I'm getting hungry already.

15. For our library system. Their children's programs are wonderful, and I love that I can put books on hold on-line. The nice people at the check-out desk know me by name, and I can get almost any book I want there. I'm definitely getting the most out of my tax dollars!

16. For our neighbors. We live in a place in which school-aged kids still play outside, and our neighbors know each other. During storms, or just electricity outages, we check in with one another. I feel safe enough to walk my dog, and I know that, if our house was clearly broken into while we were gone, the cops would be called.

17. For good Christian novelists that I've recently started reading. I used to think that Christian fiction was a joke, based on some poorly written books I read years ago. However, after book after book of soulless, mindless "entertainment" based on the single-girl lifestyle I never really lived, even when I was single, I decided to give it another try. I recommend Lynn Austin, Karen Kingsbury, Lisa Wingate, and Susan Meissner. I do still read secular fiction, but now I try to avoid "chick lit" in favor of these authors (with the exception of Sophie Kinsella/Madeline Wickham, who is sharp-witted and fun to read).

18. For our adoption agency. They were, and are, true professionals who we appreciate all the more hearing some other people's stories. We look forward to working with them again when we start the foster-adoption journey.

19. For my ipod touch. Corny, I know, but I use it everyday for something.

20. For not being in credit-card debt anymore. I know that we're very blessed to be where we are financially. While we're hardly rich, we've been blessed with the grace to make wise decisions and the help from family to make them possible. We have debt, but we don't have the problems I used to have before marriage, problems which could happen again and which I appreciate being free of.

21. For my education. I haven't made the most of it, but I appreciate the opportunities my parents and teachers gave me. Integrity and education are two things that no one can take away from you.

22. In that vein, I appreciate my Catholic upbringing. My mom passed on her faith to me, in the hopes that, if I lost everything, I'd have God. She taught me to pray and brought me to church, and the rest grew from there.

23. For the values of our country, and the work of our veterans. I'm the proud daughter and granddaughter of servicemen and, while there is a lot of politics I disagree with, I appreciate the opportunities and sacrifices that come from my family's military background.

24. For the traveling I've been able to do. There are still so many places I want to see and experience, but I'm lucky to have done the traveling I've had so far.

25. For getting to be a SAHM. I don't always appreciate it, but I know it's a luxury to have that choice in the first place. For the most part, I enjoy it now, and it seems to be the right choice for our whole family at this point in our lives.

26. For a recent visit to a Blogger-turned-Real-Life friend and her lovely family.

27. For naptime.

28. For the fact that my husband helps around the house, especially the kitchen.

29. For another year alive.

30. For being done with this list. It's harder than I thought it would be!

Home Improvements

The pest control problem from weeks ago has taken on a life of its own, but in a good way. The pests are gone, but it's led to several other improvements.

For one thing, as I think I mentioned before, I painted the kitchen cabinets and the pantry.

Before (after I scrubbed the surfaces twice!):


After:


Then, we had a broken intercom system in this house when we bought it. We've been gradually removing the useless wall units and patching the holes. The pest inspector said that pests could enter into the walls through this unit, so I got a guy to rebuild the top of this wall.

Before:

After:

(They actually came back to fix the weird paint job, so it looks natural now.)

Finally, since we've got the brick guy coming out, we took care of our firebox and chimney. Two years ago, a chimney sweep company pointed out that it wasn't safe, but their quote to fix it was ridiculous. The masonry company gave us a much better quote, so we're going to do it. While we've had no desire to light a fire here in Houston, at least now, when we go to sell the house, we can sell them a safe fireplace.

Before:

After:

We also go some of our carpet repaired. We had a z-bar installed to keep the carpet attached to the floor. It was no big deal when it was just us, but Andrew had started pulling the carpet up and it was freaking me out. We got a great quote on it, so it was time.

This has nothing to do with the old pest problem, but it's on-topic, so I'll share it here. I made this wall collage and this frame collage:


None of this is in the budget, but, lets face it, for me there will never be enough money in the budget to take care of this house the way I want to. I just can't get up the motivation to deal with it. I might as well get these medium-size projects done when the opportunity comes along.

From 2 dogs to 1

We found a new home for our first dog. From the beginning of when we brought him home, I knew the importance of keeping your dogs. I take that responsibility seriously. That is why I spent the past year avoiding this decision.

The thing is, despite all the other annoyances we dealt with, it came down to one unavoidable issue: he really doesn't like kids. We got him as a puppy, so there was no way to know that in advance. It started early, with him growling at little kids when we took him on walks. He would jump on kids who visited us at our house. I assumed that, when we had a baby of our own, he would settle down.

Unfortunately, that never happened. After a whole year, the dog still either avoided Andrew or jumped on him in dominance. He still growls at little kids on our walks. He's never bitten anyone of any age, but I was feeling really uneasy, wondering if I was playing with fire. Plus, I worried about how it would be for an already-traumatized foster baby, with a dog jumping on them and probably scaring them.

So, we found him a new home. He'll be out in the country, near a farm, with no kids, and owners who can give him the attention he needs. I was very clear about his temperament and the hassles they might encounter, but they were undeterred. The dog seemed to really like them and they had a good way with him. They have the dog experience I wanted for him, someone who knows how to handle high-energy alpha male dogs.

I have so many treasured memories of that dog. He was the perfect dog for us when it was just my husband and I. Caring for him, house-training him, and problem solving his hassles gave me an outlet for my nurturing energy while we were childless. Teaching him commands gave Jim and I a special project to do together, and brought some energy to our home. I'll never forget how that dog was there for me in a special way when I came home from the hospital after the ectopic rupture. He just lay next to me in the couch for the whole week. I'll always associate that dog with the infertility, but in a positive way. He was a gift from God to get us through a difficult time. I always imagined that he would grow to old age with us, but it just isn't the right decision for our child(ren).

Now, though, it is time to grieve him and move on. Our second dog, Max, is just a loving, near-silent shadow. He is such a calm presence. Unlike our first dog, who has a tendency to chew, Max can be trusted to wander the house. He just follows us around or sleeps, content to be where we are. He is so gentle with everyone, except when he's excited to meet a guest, and gives Andrew and us so much affection. It is weird, now that he's gone, not having to expend so much energy constantly monitoring that first dog. I always had to know where he was and if he was getting into something. The house seems so quiet without him, but not in a bad way.

Enjoy your new home, boy! We pray that your new owners are kind and have the wisdom they need to care for you well.

Pretend Play

Andrew has started pretending! I didn't think that started until earlier. Last weekend, when he was in his stroller, he clearly mimicked picking up a cheerio from his cup, handing it to Jim, and then eating it. Then he kept looking over at a nearby girl. It took me a minute, but I realized that she had cheerios, and another minute to realize that he probably wanted some. Luckily, Jim had packed some for him, just in case, and, sure enough, he gobbled some up.

Then, this morning, he pretended to pick up something from a clearly empty surface, pretended to give it to me, and then pretended to put it in his mouth. Then he just giggled like he had invented the game.

He has also started a new game, all on his own, where he stands behind me and tries to push me over. I let him, and then I push back. Giggles again! You can just see how he feels so strong that he can push an adult. It's all in fun.

Have I also mentioned that we've figured out how to handle it when he hits? First, I distract him by playing high five. It gives him an invitation to hit in a playful, acceptable way. We'll congratulate him for a successful high five, and he'll grin. Then, I rub him gently, on the back or leg, and say, "be gentle". Sure enough, he'll start rubbing instead of hitting. It even works across the room, if he starts hitting one of the dogs. We'll say to be gentle and he'll start rubbing them instead.

Is it weird that I just love the toddler stage? Yes, the constant crying can be annoying, but, well, his tantrums are almost funny. That sounds heartless, I know, but I can just see the wheels turning in his head. Like, the other day, when he really wanted to put some toy coins in a toy bank. He'd give the coin to me, then grab it and try to put it in himself. Sometimes he could, and sometimes not. He'd get so excited when he could and just collapse in despair when he couldn't. He's never been as cute as he is now. At least now I know what he wants, and he still recovers quickly and goes back to being his sunny self. I love that he's starting to have a mind of his own, and he's more fun than ever.

Our Last Year of TV?

Either motherhood has turned me into a prude, or things are crazy in network-land.

Earlier this week, I was still recovering from a 2-day bout of fever, and sat in front of the TV for 2 straight hours watching 4 sit-coms. Andrew was at a family member's house and then Jim was taking care of him. It feels like it's been a really long time since I've done that since I'm usually taking care of Andrew during that time. Even if the TV is on, I rarely pay such close attention as I did the other night.

In the 2 hours I witnessed:
The B word many times
The A word several times
"She's a GDB"
An unmarried couple stripping and running into a hotel room
A nurse handing a college guy a bunch of condoms for the guy's first date
2 girls making out in public (not close up, but it was brought to attention by dialog)

There was more, but this is the stuff that I can remember quickly off the top of my head. Oh, and there were commercials that I could argue were directed to very young kids in there, too. Classy.

The craziest part was that the most offensive, adult-oriented material was in the first 30 minutes. It was rated for ages 14+. Yeah, like 13-year-olds go to bed at 7:00PM. And besides, that is what the industry considers OK for a 14-year-old? I would cringe if a 17-year-old saw that. This was 2 days after this article came out describing the findings of study showing a connection between teen pregnancy and TV with sexual content.

I talked to Jim after this 2-hour cringe marathon and we've decided on no more network comedy shows. And, since that isn't the only place that stuff occurs, we'll likely do the same for the dramas we like, too. In fact, we're going to unplug the antenna and tuner and put them away at least until Christmas. It will be like an early start on advent. I gave up TV for lent one year and it was actually really nice. I craved it at first, but I'm a reader so I just upped my library borrowing. I was so much more relaxed and it set the tone for me canceling my cable to the point where I now rarely watch TV. Jim was saying that it hardly counts as an advent sacrifice since we'll hardly notice the difference. We'll see.

Yes, I know, kids will see this stuff sometimes. They'll see it at their friends' houses, etc. Once our children are old enough to think critically, I'll probably watch a show with them and critique it for them, then with them. I'll do the same thing with a Cos.mo magazine, too, especially with my girls. I want them to be able to discern media and not just believe everything they see or hear. I know that whatever we watch without comment will be seen as acceptable to us adults, and, therefore, acceptable for them. How many parents watched those shows with their school-age kids in the room and just laughed or said nothing? And they wonder why we deal with STDs, teen pregnancy, etc. Parents who can control the TV have the potential to have more respect from their kids.

We'll still watch TV. We'll just rent the shows we like on DVD and watch them after the kids are in bed. It's a sacrifice in that we can't watch them until the season is over, but we prefer them on DVD because of the special features and ability to pause, etc. We rent them as part of our DVD-by-mail plan so it doesn't cost any more than we already pay per month. This may seem extreme, but we hardly ever watch TV anyway. There is only one show that we are consistent about watching. To be honest, and this may sound strange, but it's kinda stressful trying to catch a show anyway. I find myself rushing to get Andrew in bed on time and getting really frustrated when he cries in his crib while we are trying to listen to the show. If I discipline myself, and just never turn it on, then I can be a better mom and have less stress. I'm not the kind of person who can just watch when I happen to have time. I have to watch every show of the season or none at all.

Are there any genuinely entertaining network shows that don't have:
obnoxious, back-talking school-age kids
cursing
substance abuse (unless it's part of an edifying plot line about getting help)
sexual material of any kind between unmarried people
excessive violence/gore
weak parents with no authority

I know, trick question.

We don't have cable because A.) the expense was not enough of a value, and B.) we will not let the trash from some stations be piped directly into our home. If there is a show I want to watch, I can almost always watch it with limited commercials on the internet, usually on the cable channel's own website. I can pause whenever I want and rewind. It's no Tivo, but free.

Speaking of piping trash directly into your home, Jim and I are trying to figure out what kind of bl.u-r.ay player we'll get. We want one that can be updated via wifi, but they are also ne.tfl.ix ready devices. The last thing we need as parents is to have access to any movie, any time. Can you imagine what kids will watch if they're unsupervised? There is no accountability there. Is it really any movie, any time, for free as part of the paid service? I can handle pay-per-view, because there is accountability there. If we saw a charge that we didn't approve, the kid(s) are busted. Does anyone with that service know? I like how, with the DVDs, I can monitor them beforehand by checking several family-review sites. While having the streaming media sounds cool as an adult, as a parent it is intimidating.

I'm also considering buying a locking cabinet for the DVD's we own that we don't want our kids to see without our permission and our guidance. Does anyone else do that? Any suggestions? I was a sneaky kid and I can see any of our kids watching a movie they aren't supposed to if we're not around. I don't even want them tempted.

Oh, and for parents of older kids, I found some great time management devices! I'm so going to use this stuff as Andrew gets older, especially with the video game consoles. Jim loves video games, but they generally drive me crazy. What bothers me most is that there is no time limit. So I find myself interrupting him to ask when he'll be done. Of course, he'll say something like, "when I get to the next save point." To me, that's not helpful, since my brain works in time increments. Then, sometimes he'll forget and it'll be an hour later before he comes back to reality. If I can barely stand it when my husband plays, I can just imagine how it'll be when all my boys are playing. By using the time management devices, I don't have to be the bad cop. The coolest ones use tokens, so it's like an arcade game. It is a reward, and they can earn tokens, instead of the TV being an entitlement. The devices give warnings when the time is running short and then just cut off when the time limit is reached. The kids would learn fast to take the initiative to keep track of the time and make sure the save frequently and plan ahead. Here is a site where you can compare time managers and another where you can see a bigger selection.

legal risk adoption and our 3-year-old--advice wanted

While this won't come up for another 2 years at least, I am thinking about it now in the hopes that I'll get comments on this for awhile, or that people will share resources with me.

My question is: how do you prepare your 3-year-old adopted child for the placement of a legal-risk child (0-2 years old) in our home?

I have some ideas, but I want some feedback from people who have either been there, done that or who have some training on the issue.

My idea is that we could tell Andrew that we're babysitting the child until his/her mommy and daddy get better. That seems like language that a preschooler would understand, and it's not a lie, just age-appropriate words for a complicated situation. I would tell the children to call each other "friend" and not "brother" or "sister". Jim and I would not be called mom and dad yet to the foster child. However, that might be confusing and alienating, especially if we do get to adopt the child. Andrew would watch us treat the child the same as we treat Andrew, with the same bedtime routine, meal routine, etc. However, at the adoption, we could make a big fuss over it (we would anyway!) and make the new titles part of it. On that special day, we'd become mom and dad to both kids, and they'd call each other siblings, etc.

On the other hand, I could have the legal-risk placement considered as our child from the beginning, with the kids calling each other siblings and both kids calling us mom and dad. That is the most welcoming thing to do. Or is it? If they are a foster child, involuntarily removed from their parents, would they even want to call us mom and dad? After all, they would still legally have other parents. My main concern there is that, if we lost that child, Andrew would think that someone could take him away, too. How traumatic would that be; I can't even imagine. That is why I feel like we need to differentiate between our child who has already been adopted and a child who isn't technically ours yet and whom we could technically lose.

So, for those who have been in this situation, what did you do? Any regrets that you don't mind sharing so that I can learn from them? Any successes you can generously share? I feel like I could handle a legal-risk placement, but I won't do anything to hurt my son. I'd rather him be an only child than traumatize him. However, if we can add to our family in a loving way, I would prefer that.

Halloween 2009

Jim took these on Saturday. We had a fun day, although it ended badly with Andrew getting a stomach virus. He's getting better now, though, thank goodness!