Back to School this Spring

I've been doing some research and some pondering, and the idea of me going back to school is getting to be more likely. An admissions adviser emailed me back, and he said that I could enroll as a non-degree-seeking postbac student. The earliest I could begin is this Spring, and I'd have to complete the application process by this winter. He said that I could take as few classes as I wanted per semester. I found out the tuition, and it would cost about $1,000 per class. That is going to be a challenge, but, if I take one or two classes per semester, I think we could do it if we used the money we were going to use for another adoption. We can already afford Jim's classes, with the help we've already learned about, so this is separate from his masters degree. If it is God's will, we can do it. If a financial catastrophe hit, I could always take a break if absolutely necessary. We do have an emergency savings fund for things like that.

Then I thought about childcare. We can't afford any more childcare than we already have. I need to add enough for me to take my classes, commute to the classes (with the exception of the on-line ones), do my assignments, do the readings and study. In order to get that, I have to get a part-time job. Of course, when I add a part-time job to my schedule, and the commute to that job, I need full-time daycare. You can't get part-time daycare anyway, not at the only two daycares I would trust with my child that are affordable and have a hope of an opening. I know of one job that has two day shifts per week, one evening shift per week, and one Saturday shift per week. Something like that would be ideal, leaving me more time during the day to study. There is a nice daycare nearby that I've already written about. It might not be possible to find a PT job that would pay the full amount, but, since we won't be paying for our babysitter anymore, the money that is currently paying for her care would cover the rest. We would miss her so much, though:-( Hopefully she could still care for him for the occasional date night when family is busy.

I wouldn't even consider this if Andrew showed signs of daycare being a problem. However, he just loves being around others. At daycare, he would learn to share, and be around diverse caregivers. Plus, I'm getting kind of nervous about the toddler and preschool years. He can be so strong-willed, and he already just laughs at me when I tell him "No" in a firm, no-nonsense way. I bet my mom is laughing at that--I may not have given birth to him, but in this way he is my son, through and through! It will be good for the two of us to not be alone together so much. I'm so bored with the daily baby tasks, and Andrew probably will be bored here, too. He's not clingy or cuddly, and just wants to explore and play. Plus, just because we're paying for full-time care, it doesn't mean I can't take a morning off once a week to take him to a playgroup or to the park. I never, ever thought that I would find daycare to be in the best interest of my child. But it just might be after all. That is so humbling.

Time-wise, it would be a challenge, especially with Jim being in school himself. Having full-time daycare would, ideally, allow me enough time for class, studying, the PT job, and at least the bare minimum chores. I can already see that there will be weeks when we just can't get it all done, much less have decent quality time. However, if it got insane, I could take a semester break or even reevaluate the whole thing. I do think, though, we could manage. I'm very good at time-management.

Another possible option is to work for family (one of our family members has a home-based business) for one afternoon a week, just enough to make the money for one day of babysitting. I'd work for them during the time they're already babysitting for me. Right now, I use that time to balance the checkbook and relax for a bit, but I can maybe start doing that on the weekend if Jim can take Andrew out for a few hours. It'd be hard for Jim to find that time, however, it would give him some additional quality time with his son as Andrew gets older and more interactive. I'd use that additional babysitting day for going to class/watching online and doing my assignments. That would take away the benefits of daycare. On the other hand, we not only don't have to stop bringing him to our wonderful babysitter--he'd be with her two days per week instead of one.

Working for family instead of working 20+ hours outside the house would also allow me to continue volunteering once per week at the pregnancy resource center. After all, my eventual goal is to work full-time for a non-profit, and they have an annual benefit, so I could use my developing skills by helping them as a volunteer during my two years of college. This may or may not be possible, but, if it works for the family, than it would give me the flexibility not possible with an PT job outside the home. The family member is going to see how it works for them and we'll have an answer in time for classes to start.

Doing this would preclude us from saving for adoption until I was finished with classes (at least 2 years, more if I take a semester break). However, once I finished, I could apply for a full-time job and we could start saving again, and more rapidly. Realistically, I'll start full-time when he is 3 or 4, so we could probably start another adoption sometime when he is between the ages of 4-6. The thing is, that might be what is best for our family, even if our original plan was to space them as close as possible. To be honest, I don't know if I want to adopt another baby. I just don't know. By then, we'll know if we want to adopt a newborn or adopt a child from foster care.

I hate having to choose between adding a baby to our family soon or developing a satisfying career. To be honest, I wish I was satisfied being a SAHM. That seems like the good Catholic thing to do, and it would make things easier. Plus, I keep thinking, if I was fertile, this situation might never have come up. Going to school is much easier with only one child to care for, and it is no sacrifice to postpone adding more. Infertility gives me the illusion of having absolute control over our family size, an illusion that seems dangerous to me on a spiritual level. However, every other mom I know well with my personality type (or very similar to my personality) is happy working outside of the home, or has a thriving work-from-home business with some in-home childcare. Maybe God knew I would need that, too, and let me be infertile for that reason? I've wanted both to be a mom and to have an enjoyable career since I was very young, and I feel like I keep getting closer to figuring out what that career is. As for the work-life balance, there is no right answer.