15 Reasons to be a SAHM

I read a Chicken Soup book about the joys of being a SAHM. I wish I could say that it changed my mind and gave me the warm fuzzies, but it did neither:-( I'm only halfway through it, though, so maybe I'll hit on something further in. I did, however, read lots of reasons why the moms chose to stay home with their children. I also have heard reasons from some of my IRL friends and acquaintances. I'm going to mix them all up here with my commentary. Of course, please comment away yourself and add your own reasons.

1. You don't want to miss the milestones.

I've already witnessed all the baby milestones except for his official first word. One thing I've heard about good caregivers is that they never tell the parent about a milestone. They let the parents witness it for themselves. It is so much kinder that way!

2. You can't bear the idea of someone else taking care of your child.

I used to feel that way, and it's a healthy, normal thing. At around the six-month mark, though, Andrew was old enough, to me, to start letting others care for him. Once I felt bonded to him, I could let go. The huge grin on his face when I pick him up from a day of babysitting, and the grin he gives his dad every night, tells me he knows who his parents are. For some women, this feeling doesn't go away, and I think they need to trust their gut.

3. You have financial reasons.

I know plenty of both SAHMs and working moms who would love to switch places but can't afford it. I am very grateful to have a choice. I do know that, when Andrew goes to elementary school, I'm probably going to have to work if we're going to be able to pay for any fun extracurriculars for him. I'm also going to have to work if we have a hope of saving for his college years. I also worry about what would happen if Jim died. We'd be OK for a little while, but not for the child(ren)'s entire childhood. For now, though, I can choose, which I know is a luxury.

4. You husband pressures you into it.

I know both SAHMs and working moms who are in this category. Family unity is very important, so it is a valid reason. I'm grateful that my husband lets me decide, money permitting. It's not that he doesn't have a preference, just that he knows I have to decide this for myself.

5. You love being around young children.

Some of the moms I admire genuinely love being around little kids. They delight in field trips, baking wholesome meals, playgroups, educational experiences, discipline, and craft projects. They get to relive the best parts of their childhood or experience childhood for the first time through their child's eyes. Those moms are really cool. I'm the mom who sends her child over the this mom's house to play with her kids while I stay home with a novel and a latte:-D Seriously, though, I can see myself getting into this stuff one day a week or so once Andrew is old enough. The rest of the time, it feels more like work than delight.

6. You've got peer pressure.

I get this one myself, but it's usually subtle. Almost every mom I know personally and respect is a SAHM. We rarely talk about why, though, or if we like it. It feels like it's just the thing to do. Not a fad, of course, and I'm sure it was thought-out for all of them, but it isn't talked about amongst ourselves. I think this is the biggest thing that holds me up from jumping back into taking college classes. What am I missing that they have/know/experience/feel/do?

7. You believe it is a moral imperative.

I know moms who stay home because they believe they should. Sometimes, it is to train your child in your religion. Sometimes, it is to control their diet. Sometimes, it is to provide a pleasant home for your family. I'm sure there are other reasons, too. As for me, I got as much witnessing my mom's contributions at work as I did her sacrifices at home. She was making a positive difference for the elderly in our community, as well as among her coworkers. That inspires me to work at a non-profit myself. Plus, I know how much influence most dads have, even though the kids don't see them very much. As long as I can find good caregivers for my child, I feel like I can let them spend the day with them. Of course, if my child is learning negative words or behaviors, it is my responsibility to make big changes in the caregiving arrangement, even to the point of staying home with them until new arrangements can be made. But I do not feel a moral imperative to stay home with them myself. I've got 18 years to train them, and God is their Father no matter where they are.

8. You'll miss out on friendships with other SAHMs.

That is a big one for me. Some women develop awesome friendships at the office. However, I love the ladies I hang out with at playgroup. Hopefully I'll be able to stay in touch with most of them once I'm working full-time, but it won't be the same:-(

9. You're worried that you'll regret not being there when they are all grown up.

I think one of the main reasons I stay home is because it seems, at first, like the safest option. No one has the motivation I do to care for Andrew. At home, he's safe from kidnappers, pedophiles, moral relativism, trans fats, profanity, the consumerist lifestyle, bullies, racism, lead paint, and who-knows-what-else that is the latest danger. However, they need to learn how to deal with the unpleasantness of the world outside our front door, and they can't do it if they're never given a chance to practice what we teach them. And besides, as horrible as it is to think about, dangers are everywhere. The latest recalls tell you that--too many kids still die in their own crib! As long as your child is at a good daycare or with a good babysitter, they are probably about as safe there as they are at home, maybe safer.

10. You get to know your children better.

I have loved getting to know Andrew, and I know I'll miss his personality during the day. Of course, I miss my husband, too, but I know I don't have the chance to spend time with him like I do my child. Unfortunately, I wonder about the me that he's getting to know. I hope that he gets to know a happier me if going back to work is God's will for my life. I want to be my best self for my family so that they can be their best selves, too.

11. Caring for your children fulfills you.

This is a great part about motherhood. It feels good to care for a helpless little person. However, I also know women who were completely lost when the nest emptied out. Their marriage collapsed or came close and they felt empty and lost. When their kids were gone, they had nothing left. I felt good knowing that my mom didn't have to go through that as much because she had a life outside of motherhood. I keep hearing that kids are young for such a short time. But, if that is true, you have a very long time left after they are grown up. There has to be a way to balance both enjoying the time you have with them and preparing for a rich, fulfilling empty-nest life. I want my kids to know that caring for them is fulfilling to me, but I don't want to put the burden on them of being the only thing that does.

12. You get too stressed out trying to do it all.

I can imagine this being the main thing that would get me to quit my studies or job later and come back home. Of course, life at home is hectic, too. However, at least I do get a chore or two done during the day during nap time. It's hard to imagine going back to doing it all in the evening and on Saturdays. I've read about women who don't become SAHMs until their children enter elementary school because they just can't juggle their boss's expectations, their home, their child's recital or ball game, their marriage, and have any time left to take care of themselves. Sometimes that is a consumerist lifestyle, the kind that sets up the magazine image of motherhood as the norm. I feel it's safe to say that I've skipped most of that, LOL. But, still, if working outside the home leaves me feeling insane, something will have to change.

13. Your child has special needs and no one can serve them but you.

There are some moms that have to make bigger-than-usual sacrifices to care for their children. They are admirable, and wanted to include this reason to acknowledge them.

14. You love the flexibility of being your own boss.

I have to admit, being a SAHM is not quite what I expected in this area. For the first few months, it was. Andrew slept most of the time, and, while my back did hurt from carrying him around, it was so peaceful, too. Now, however, it is much more stressful than I expected. I spend the first part of his nap enjoying the quiet and flexibility that I couldn't get in an office. Then, however, I spend the last part of it on edge, waiting for the cry that can come at any time, signaling that it's time to get back to work. Caring for Andrew is physically labor-intensive, and my arms feel like they're going to fall off most evenings. My back chronically aches. I've already mentioned the boredom factor--we may decide when to get our chores done, but we don't have all that much choice in what the tasks are. Now, the idea of being in a college classroom or in an office seems much more relaxing. After all, while I may be the boss around here, the customer can't get any more demanding.

15. You just want to, or you can't think of a reason not to. You don't need a reason, after all!

I think that any woman even remotely interested in being a SAHM should try it for at least a year. In fact, to go even further, I think all moms should be a SAHM for a year anyway if there is any way it is possible for their family. All moms should know what it is like and give themselves a chance to see if they actually prefer it. If a mom is in doubt about whether or not she should be a SAHM, she should do it. If she's in doubt about her career, the best answer is to stay home with her kids. There is no other way you are guaranteed to influence the next generation and use your time wisely. I am in no way trying to discourage anyone from being a SAHM. I just want all moms to do what is best for them and for their family. Being a SAHM is good, but sometimes it isn't the best answer for a specific person. Both answers should be given their fair due. There is too much competition between the two sides and this shouldn't be an "issue" in which there are sides at all. We women need to support each other.