Educator...Full Time for How Long?

I mentioned in my last post that I see myself as more of an educator now to my child than just hanging out at home keeping him comfortable. For the first year of motherhood, I saw it as perfectly acceptable to do what I wanted as long as Andrew was dry, clean, fed, napped, and not in pain. After all, that was an incredibly busy job, I was sleep-deprived, and small babies educate themselves. Their brains are hard-wired to develop without a whole lot of conscious work on our part. Now, though, Andrew has entered a phase in which I can have more impact on his development. I can play a part in his language skills, social skills, etc.

I also mentioned in that post that I'm enjoying this stage much more. While it is very humbling, and can be very boring, it is good for my self-esteem. I have a sense of purpose now, and I'm starting to see how being a mom is a vocation. I've heard it for years, but, during this last year, I thought it was just a way to keep women busy at home, to make them feel better about the thankless job of changing yet another gross diaper. Now, though, it's feeling like a calling, a career. My identity has slipped into that of a career mother. I say I'm a SAHM, but, in my mind, I feel more like a professional. I have a job to do, and, if I mess it up, there will be consequences. I'm sure that some moms think this way from before the day their child is placed in their arms, and I know there are moms who never think this way.

At the same time, I'm noticing some moms I know who don't just send their kids off to school in kindergarten and let the school system handle it. Growing up, that is just what you did. I don't know anyone personally who was home schooled. I got a great education in my public schools, so I never expected to think any differently. However, as a public school teacher, I saw the other side of the desk and it scares me. I worked with some incredible educators and administrators, don't get me wrong. And, yes, they were the majority, even in a rough school. But, when it got bad, it got very, very bad. I've got friends who pull their kids out of public school for a year or so to homeschool them, or to have them do school on-line. I really admire how they take hands-on responsibility for their kids education. I see myself taking an active role in my kid(s) education, too.

That leads to an interesting choice I may have to make some day. If Andrew is struggling, will I create my own after-school program? Will I tutor him myself during the summer months? Will I homeschool for a year or so if his teacher is horrible and I can't get him a different teacher? If so, where will my future career fit into this? What did I really take on when I became a mother? During the first year of motherhood, I so wanted to have a career because mothering was not a career; it was a series of unconnected tasks that could have been done by anyone. It was better for our bonding for me to do it, but there are so many people who are more skilled than I. Now that I've taken on the role of educator, however, it has become my top priority (after health and safety, of course). I still want my kid(s) in school, but, if God doesn't provide a teacher that does the job right, as well as the resources to pay for private school if that is where the right education is, I will do what I can myself to give them the education they need. I think I will do this even if it means that my career never takes off.

Luckily I have many more years before I have to really make these decisions. I'm just saying that I'm gradually seeing my role change, and giving myself the permission to be flexible in my career goals if I'm making a necessary difference in my kid(s)'s education.