Toddler Tantrums

They have begun. I don't hate it as much as I assumed I would, although I'm sure they'll get much worse before they fade away.

I've learned a few things that I want to share, and I'd love any comments from experienced people:-)

How I handle it totally depends on the situation. For example, yesterday, he threw a fit in his booster seat because he wanted some of my fresh, organic fruit from the co-op. I happily gave in! While I don't want to reward tantrums, I want to reward his wanting to eat fresh fruit. He doesn't have words yet, so a tantrum is the only emphatic way to ask for something.

On the other hand, the other day I gave him a bite of chocolate cake. My slice was almost gone, and it was a special afternoon with family. He threw a fit to have more, but I anticipated that would happen, and the slice was completely gone and we were packing up to leave before he could get really worked up. I distracted him enough with something that he forgot the cake. I know that he won't forget so quickly as he gets older, but it works for a 12-month-old.

I have learned to never touch him when he's throwing a tantrum. The other day, I tried to calm him down by rubbing his back, but it just aggravated him and ramped up my blood pressure. I felt so powerless and my anger response escalated. Before I realized what I was doing, I was practically begging him to stop crying. Not effective. I need to just tune out the behavior as much as I can and focus on what I need to do. I learned, teaching middle school, how to control my body. I go into a zone where I focus on my breathing, my facial expression, my tone of voice, my posture, my hands, etc., and bring them all to the most calm state I can. I practiced, over the last three years teaching, those physical skills as if they were a sport. Now I can do all that and still get stuff done, so I can do this in public without looking like I'm just standing there ignoring my child. I naturally have a temper, but those three years of practice helped dramatically. So I focus on my body and voice and tune out his, and it helps me stay cool and figure out the actions needed to move him through it.

The best way to handle tantrums is to prevent them altogether, which is impossible, but trying is important. It gives me a sense of control to counterbalance the deer-in-the-headlights feeling the tantrum causes, especially in public. I attempt to always pack a toy, some dry cereal, enough sippy cups, and diaper supplies to give him what he needs or wants when appropriate. I hide what he wants when I can, or take a different route, or play soothing music, or plan my errands around his nap, whatever. Having a battle plan helps, even if it doesn't work, because, like I said, I'm focusing on me and what I can do instead of focusing on his tantrum. The most challenging part is keeping up with the time, and anticipating what he'll want before he wants it. I feel so good when I put him down for a nap just as he's getting tired, or giving him his cup just as he's opening his mouth in a frown to cry from hunger. Those moments are admittedly rare, but very sweet indeed. Those moments I feel like a competent mother, and my self-esteem rises enough to get me through all the dumb things I'll do the rest of the day.